2013年4月8日星期一

Hoping for another helping

We begin with a sneak peek of what is about to happen in 30 seconds from now, and then move on to what is actually happening, although since it's all pre-recorded I guess we begin with some things happening, then happening again almost immediately. 

Anyway, what happens is that previously eliminated teams are told to go to an address in Sydney. "What is going on?" they all ask, baffled why MKR producers would instruct them to go to a restaurant C while being filmed by an MKR camera crew C where they meet fellow MKR teams.We have a wide selection of handsfreeaccess to choose from for your storage needs. It is a bizarre, Angela Lansbury-esque mystery, and the teams stand around for a while doing their best impressions of a group of people with the collective IQ of an artichoke. 

The teams who've shown up are Angela and Melina, the "real housewives" who never actually cooked anything before they were on TV; Kieran and Nastassia, the "food nerds" who have to look up "food" in a dictionary; Mick and Matt, the father and son who are both actually Jerry Lewis; and Ali and Samuel, who continue their blighted tale of hopeless unrequited love.Choose the right bestluggagetag in an array of colors.Cheap logo engraved luggagetag at wholesale bulk prices. 

Suddenly into the room strides the tall, dark figure of Colin "the worst Irishman in history" Fassnidge, who is taking charge of tonight's episode due to viewer feedback indicating that we like to see failure punished in cruel and unusual ways. 

"Seeing Colin walk in, I am clueless about what's going to happen," says Samuel, apparently thinking he might be about to be murdered or kidnapped by greedy flying monkeys.An experienced artist on what to consider before you buy chipcard. In a bolt from the blue, however, Colin surprisingly tells them that they are actually to cook off for a chance to re-enter the competition. Their challenge is to design and cook a two-course menu, and Mick and Matt are stunned that after being flown from Tasmania by a TV show they've already been on, they are suddenly being pitched into the situation of having to engage in that TV show with no warning. 

After the cook-off, the three best teams will then cook for paying customers in Colin's restaurant, because this is a two-hour episode and otherwise they might have to fall back on some kind of pointless filler. All the teams immediately rush to the kitchen, which becomes somewhat crowded. "I've literally got no space," lies Kieran. "How are we gonna do this?" says Angela, pretending that she won't be able to do it has something to do with the lack of space. 

Melina is really excited about their menu, but is a little worried about Angela's croquembouche. Melina has obviously seen MasterChef, where even people who CAN cook find croquembouches difficult. 

We cut to Kieran describing in detail how he will marinate his tomatoes, in case we didn't already think he was boring enough.A group of families in a north Cork village are suing a bestplasticcard operator in a landmark case. "Normally, we'd put it in the fridge for two hours, but we don't have two hours," he says, so he decides to make a different dish that doesn't require such an impossible timeframe. Ha ha, just joking, he decides to bung it in the freezer and go what the hell. 

Meanwhile, Colin continues to yell, "This is Comeback Kitchen", trying his best to make people believe that's a real thing. Ali and Samuel are making pork belly and sorbet, and are hoping to impress Colin. Fat chance! 

Samuel explains that the first thing he does with the pork belly is get it ready to cook. This handy hint is invaluable. 

Elsewhere, Mick is skinning a fish with a disturbingly erotic sense of excitement, while reminiscing about the time he emotionally abused his son on national television. "We're working really well together today," squeaks Matt, his eyes pleading, daddy, love me again. 

Colin yells at Ali and Samuel to hurry up. It's not surprising given how often they keep leaving the kitchen to talk to the camera. 

Nastassia is happy with her cake mixture, but less happy with Kieran. As he stands at the bench, obsessively chopping things into tiny pieces, the true extent of his personality disorder becomes clear. "I can't afford to let the pressure get to me," he says like a man who knows full well he is soon going to be single. 

Other teams have bigger problems though, as Mick only just fails with his attempt to surreptitiously hit Angela over the head with a frypan, and Angela begins to worry that the oven won't be ready for her profiteroles, leading Samuel to coin the phrase "croquemdouches", automatically becoming one. Colin settles the oven dispute by ordering Angela to put her profiteroles in with the other team's dish, at a lower temperature, despite Angela's insistence that she needs 200 degrees and the fairly offensive impression of Colin she proceeds to perform, overlooking the fact that he is a successful professional chef, while she is a woman who can barely toast an English muffin without causing a salmonella outbreak. 

As Melina struts about the kitchen waggling an enormous knife, the teams take it in turns to explain how this is a chance to get back in the competition, and how they would quite like that. Samuel treats the kitchen to a dissertation on how he wants to make polenta better than he made before and how it is important it is better, and thinks that if this polenta isn't good it won't be very good for him as the maker. Colin tells him to shut up, and a grateful nation thanks him. 

Mick isn't really worried about timing, because he hasn't been paying any attention. "It's going to be lovely to have people eat our food," he says, setting the bar remarkably low. Speaking of low bars, Ali's sorbet hasn't set, Samuel's slowness having rubbed off on it. 

Kieran and Nastassia must now rub the herbs off their fillet, after Colin tells them that frying meat with herbs on it will cause the herbs to burn. Kieran and Nastassia have made this dish hundreds of times without worrying about pyrotechnics, but they obey out of fear. 

Colin's reign of terror isn't restricted to the nerds though: Angela also feels his wrath, as she objects to being forced to say, "Yes, chef" for no better reason than responding to someone who is a chef. To be fair, Colin is a horrible man, but to be even fairer, he is being rushed off his feet by the need to keep telling four teams at once how inept they are. 

Angela panics as her raw profiteroles and bitches some more about the necessity to share ovens. She moves them to a hotter oven and orders everyone not to open it. Kieran immediately opens it, infuriating Angela, who doesn't see any reason why Kieran shouldn't just let his food burn to a crisp. 

The saga of Angela's burgeoning oven fascism ends abruptly, however, when Kieran and Nastassia outdo themselves in the field of stuffing up. Their pudding is uncooked and collapsing like their dreams, and Colin stares at Nastassia as if she's just revealed that she's going to order out for pizza. She tries to make more puddings, sighing, "We did our best", as if that wasn't the most depressing part. As it happens, their beef is also uncooked, and Kieran has forgotten about the tomatoes in the freezer, which have overstayed their welcome. Kieran explains his cunning plan to make a two-hour dish in 90 minutes to Colin, who is less than impressed with the nerds' attempts to manipulate the space-time continuum.

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